10. Read all my free (full-length?) reports from Tickle. Nyahaha!
9. Banish every single memory I have about thesis, J2ME, Symbian or ACM formatting. Oh, and Kate Turabian too.
8. Remind myself that there's SO MUCH more to life than reaching a magic number.
7. Watch a movie. Oh yeah.
6. Read books--without the threat of graded recitations, papers, or oral examinations.
5. De-stress. Claim all that can be claimed from Mamwah.
4. Call and meet up with my friends.
3. Sing a song that does not have "hopelessness, giving up, or suffering" in its lyrics.
2. Invest my time and energy into what's _really_ important. Love every minute I'll be spending in Lipa. Be with my family. Discover what I really want to do with my life. Give back.
I thought by now I'd feel exhilarated, happy, and relaxed. But I don’t. Instead of being relieved of having finally getting over this great hurdle, I feel unusually sad. (And sleepy.) Not that I’d miss those sleepless nights of agonizing over sockets and alerts and sis files… It’s definitely something else.
Anyway, I won’t have much time to dwell on these gloomy thoughts – the coming days are still as hell as ever. I must wrestle with 60+ cs105 projects during the weekend, and also finish the thesis paper, finalize the source codes, blah blah blah. Ayoko pang pag-isipan ngayon.
The term “universal inbox” is misleading. People are deceived into thinking that it’s some cool project when it’s really not. Or maybe I’d be more enthusiastic if I had a cool Series 60 phone to go with it, which I don’t.
I wonder if I’d also be this glum come March 4, since I was totally convinced that I’d be ecstatic that day, my day of freedom. Freedom from 12-page papers, 500-peso worth of readings, weird Powerpoint presentations, weekly meetings and updates, unfulfilled service hours – in short, freedom from everything I had to live with for the past few years. (This is beginning to sound like one of those senior-syndromic-overdramatic Guidon opinion columns.)
Or maybe I’m talking too soon. Maybe an F is really coming my way and I won’t have to feel so sad about leaving school just yet. Hehe. Or maybe on the week after finals, I’ll have the unpleasant surprise of a major ADSA case just like last semester. Ah, the memories! :P
I'm not so stressed out with our thesis. That a good sign or a bad sign? :\ The MMS part has *some* improvement. Email still nonexistent... Mail4Me will be our salvation!
I lost my umbrella today. :(
And our Philo class today just went on, and on, and on. And in the middle of the lecture:
*FD's phone ringing* FD: Oh. Wait, I'll just turn this off. *pause* *answers phone* FD: Hello?
o_O
Omg! Mabibilang na sa dalawang kamay ang mga nalalabing araw ng pagpasok sa eskwela! And still, so much stuff to do. HCI tests, Psych interview, thesis defense, Theo reports, etc. Can't wait for March 4. (Service hours due on March 3!)
Random thoughts na naman 'to. Na-over na kasi sa quizzes ang blog ko. So this is my effort of making a "real" post. I'll make a backtrack post (re: Valentine's, windang moments ni Patty, and others) when I have the time.
After death, you will continue to exist as if nothing has ever happened. You will continue to be yourself, but because you are in a parallel universe, some things will be different. You may not have married the same person, you might live in a different spot, but you will be the same person underneath it all and you will continue your life unaware that you ever died.
Your mind is a firestorm - full of intensity and drama. Your thoughts may seem scattered to you most of the time... But they often seem strong and passionate to those around you. You are a natural influencer. The thoughts you share are very powerful and persuading.
You are on a quest for knowledge and life challenges. You love to be curious and ask a ton of questions. Since you know so much, you make for an interesting conversationalist. Mentally alert, you can outwit almost anyone (and have fun doing it!).
Very introspective, you can be silently critical of others. And your quiet nature makes it difficult for people to get to know you. You see yourself as a philosopher, and you take everything philosophically. Your main talent is expressing and communicating ideas.
Souls you are most compatible with: Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul
Anyone or anything that is of no consequence to me does not deserve any of my time, attention and effort.
It's unbelievable how I much I pursue the most elusive, the most improbable, and the most unreachable in this world.
I am totally capable of perpetuating silence. The experience can be completely refreshing and calming on one hand, and agonizingly uncomfortable on the other. In either case, the longer the moment of silence is, the harder it is to break it.
Some people surprise me with their kind and comforting aura. And I'm just thankful that they find me at the right moment. :)
12-page Foucault paper, PolSci exams, thesis updates, HCI test plan, CS105 projects... The pressure's just too much! With the effect of me staying in limbo: blogging, blog-hopping, YM-ing, watching TV, eating, and idly dreading the ultimate death that is next week.
You are an island. You don't need anyone else to make you happy. And though you see yourself as a loner, people are drawn to you. Deep and sensitive, you tend to impress others with your insights. You also tend to be psychic - so listen to that inner voice!
I was forced to discover the LRT1-LRT2 route to Manila yesterday because of Pachu's OJT interview for Philam. I agreed to "escort" her because: one, I don't have a choice, really; and two, it's a chance to meet up with Christine and Jet! ;)
The trip was relatively uneventful, and we did get to UN Ave without much trouble. One thing that made me happy when we got there: Maraming pwedeng kainan! Hehe. Gutom na kasi ako nun since I had an early lunch. Kumain kami sa Chowking tapos punta na si Patty for her interview. Ako tumambay sa Book Sale sa parang mall dun... naghihintay kung magtetext or tatawag si Christine. (Di ako makatambay actually sa Jollibee kasi busog pa ko.) :|
Well, she did! And before I knew it, we were on our way to meet Jet in DLSU. Uh actually, sa tapat lang. ;) Tapos nagtext na ang Patring na tapos na siya! Hehe, so just like that all three of us got in a cab to go back to UN. *lots of talk about "multilevel marketing strategies" during the ride*
Then we went to Starbucks. And talked about things. Scams, Eng ratios, plan B's, China, et cetera. Then it all turned into a business meeting with Jet's friend. *basta, lots of talk, talk, talk*
Ayun, gabi na kami nakauwi. Then I crammed for my Theo exams, and did not read any of my Philo readings. Pagod na kong ma-stress kay Fr. David eh.
Ang kulit ko! But let me say it again... According to Fr. David, there is a shortfall in China of 25 million girls under the age of 13. This would lead to a very grave social problem some years from now when the young Chinese reach marrying age. (!) I say let's go to China and save some Chinese boys! ;)
My hearts! Stolen and crushed!
*thesis* *thesis* *thesis*
What shall I wear to Smart's IT Summit?! Wala na kong smart casual. :( Magfoformal-formalan na lang ba ako?
Muli namang umihip sa akin Ang hangin ng pagiisa Liwanag kang dagling sumilaw Sa aking mga mata
Linilingon, sinusundan Dumadalas ang minsan Ika'y naryan, abot tanaw Kahit walang dahilan
Maiiwasan ba Ang bawat sandaling ika'y laman ng isip ko (maiiwasan bang) Ngayo'y lilipas ng hindi kita nasisilayan (magkamali sa'yo) Nararapat bang pigilan ang damdamin na (maiiwasan bang) Lalong mahulog sa iyo
Walang maitutulad sa sumpang iyong linikha Putulin man ang tali ay sadyang walang kawala
Sa pagkaakit, at di paglapit Nananalangin, at umaasang
Maiiwasan ba Ang bawat sandaling ika'y laman ng isip ko (maiiwasan bang) Ngayo'y lilipas ng hindi kita nasisilayan (magkamali sa'yo) Nararapat bang pigilan ang damdamin na (maiiwasan bang) Lalong mahulog sa iyo
Hindi padadala Hinding hindi padadala Hindi padadala
"Solitude has soft, silky hands, but with strong fingers it grasps the heart and makes it ache with sorrow. Solitude is the ally of sorrow as well as a companion of spiritual exaltation."
"Only our spirits can understand beauty, or live and grow with it. It puzzles our minds; we are unable to describe it in words; it is a sensation that our eyes cannot see, derived from both the one who observes and the one who is looked upon. Real beauty is a ray which emanates from the holy of holies of the spirit, and illuminates the body, as life comes from the depths of the earth and gives colour and scent to a flower."
"The sorrowful spirit finds rest when united with a similar one. They join affectionately, as a stranger is cheered when he sees another stranger in a strange land. Hearts that are united through the medium of sorrow will not be separated by the glory of happiness. Love that is cleansed by tears will remain externally pure and beautiful."
"There is something greater and purer than what the mouth utters. Silence illuminates our souls, whispers to our hearts, and brings them together. Silence separates us from ourselves, makes us sail the firmament of spirit, and brings us closer to Heaven; it makes us feel that bodies are no more than prisons and that this world is only a place of exile."
"Thus, the appearance of things changes according to the emotions, and thus we see magic and beauty in them, while the magic and beauty are really in ourselves."
"Those days passed like ghosts and disappeared like clouds, and soon nothing was left for me but sorrowful memories. The eye with which I used to look at the beauty of spring and the awakening of nature, could see nothing but the fury of the tempest and the misery of winter. The ears with which I formerly heard with delight the song of the waves, could hear only the howling of the wind and the wrath of the sea against the precipice. The soul which had observed happily the tireless vigour of mankind and the glory of the universe, was tortured by the knowledge of disappointment and failure. Nothing was more beautiful than those days of love, and nothing was more bitter than those horrible nights of sorrow."
"Oh, Lord, what has a woman done that hath offended Thee? What sin has she committed to deserve such a punishment? For what crime has she been awarded everlasting castigation? Oh, Lord, Thou art strong, and I am weak. Why hast Thou made me suffer pain? Thou art great and almighty, while I am nothing but a tiny creature crawling before Thy throne. Why hast Thou crushed me with Thy foot? Thou art a raging tempest, and I am like dust; why, my Lord, hast Thou flung me upon the cold earth? Thou art powerful, and I am helpless; why art Thou fighting me? Thou art considerate, and I am prudent; why art Thou destroying me? Thou hast created woman with love, and why, with love, dost Thou ruin her? With Thy right hand dost Thou lift her, and with Thy left hand dost Thou strike her into the abyss, and she knows not why. In her mouth Thou blowest the breath of Life, and in her heart Thou sowest the seeds of death. Thou dost show her the path of happiness, but Thou leadest her in the road of misery; in her mouth Thou dost place a song of happiness, but then Thou dost close her lips with sorrow and dost fetter her tongue with agony. With Thy mysterious fingers dost Thou dress her wounds, and with Thine hands Thou drawest the dread of pain round her pleasures. In her bed Thou hidest pleasure and peace, but beside it Thou dost erect obstacles and fear. Thou dost excite her affection through Thy will, and from her affection does shame emanate. By Thy will Thou showest her the beauty of creation, but her love for beauty becomes a terrible famine. Thou dost make her drink life in the cup of death, and death in the cup of life. Thou purifiest her with tears, and in tears her life streams away. Oh, Lord, Thou hast opened my eyes with love, and with love Thou hast blinded me. Thou hast kissed me with Thy lips and struck me with Thy strong hand. Thou has planted in my heart a white rose, but around the rose a barrier of thorns. Thou hast tied my present with the spirit of a young man whom I love, but my life with the body of an unknown man. So help me, my Lord, to be strong in this deadly struggle and assist me to be truthful and virtuous until death. Thy will be done. Oh, Lord God."
"Extreme torture is mute, and so we sat silent, petrified, like columns of marble buried under the sand of an earthquake. Neither wished to listen to the other because our heart-threads had become weak and even breathing would have broken them."
"The sorrowful spirit finds relaxation in solitude. It abhors people, as a wounded deer deserts the herd and lives in a cave until it is healed or dead."
"A pearl brought by the tide to the coast and returned by the ebb into the depth of the sea.... A lily that has just blossomed from the bud of life and is mashed under the feet of death. A dear guest whose appearance illuminated Selma's heart and whose departure killed her soul. This is the life of men, the life of nations, the life of suns, moons and stars."
